Have you ever had that burning desire to scream your head off at a friend who just gets to you? Then I can assure you this post is for you. “It is perfectly okay to love people from afar!”
I’m a Sanguine with a healthy dash of Melancholy and one of the downsides to this is a big heart. While most sanguines are usually boisterous and do not generally hold a lot of depth. The melancholy part of me makes me feel things on a deeper level.
My niceness borders not just on being known to be nice, but on general sensitivity to people. My passion and expressions go beyond the superficial to the depth of my soul. This makes for beautiful experiences, but it also comes with its unique set of problems.
Like the fact that I take the opinion of people I value to heart and internalise their feelings about me. Even when it has absolutely nothing to do with me or who I am as a person. This means, sometimes, validation from people I love matters to me and plays a key part in my decisions.
Unfortunately, this is not always a good thing. Especially if you have a habit of loving people who are damaged and not in a position to be productive. This is a nice way of saying, sometimes, your friends can be toxic and extremely bad for your mental health.
The Type Of People To Love From Afar.
To put it simply, toxic people. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that there are different levels of toxicity. While some are subtle, others, not so much;
Nonchalance: This is usually not a big deal till you’re late for a life-changing appointment and you’re seething with anger and resentment. People in your life need to know that you respect your time and they should too.
Mild to moderate jealousy: I’ll just say it right now, there’s no such thing. Your friend is either happy for you even when they don’t have as much success or they aren’t true friends. They might feel bad about not having achieved as much, but it should never take away from the joy of what you’ve achieved.
Takers: Anyone who only thinks to call or check in when they need something from you. Friendship is a two-way street and you should get as much value and attention as you give.
Negative criticism: True friends shouldn’t make you feel inadequate, even when they think it’s for your own good. That’s just a reflection of their own short-comings. They also should never trivialise your achievements either.
Pathological behaviour: This is everything from sabotage to bad mouthing and general toxic behaviour. Sometimes toxic people are so obvious, it’s like a huge billboard screaming “resentment”.
Why You Should Love People From Afar?
While you are perfectly capable of holding your feelings in and being polite. It really does you no long-term good and only validates toxic peoples behaviour towards you. Besides, living your best life and prioritising your mental health means putting you first.
So why surround yourself with negative criticism, constant put-down and an unending barrage of unnecessary drama when you can just walk away. It doesn’t mean you love them any less, it just means you’ve put yourself in a better position to love them.
The truth is this, being in the middle of a toxic relationship of any sort doesn’t help anyone. You’re doing yourself a disservice by taking peoples crap. But you’re also doing them a disservice by validating their unhealthy behaviour. So for everyone to be better and do better, distance sometimes is the solution.
How To Love People From Afar.
Set boundaries: Setting boundaries in your life automatically reduces the level of toxicity you’re exposed to. People who know they can’t get away with mistreating you will almost always avoid you.
Acknowledge toxic behaviour immediately: The moment you identify an unhealthy behaviour towards you address it and make sure you’re clear on it not repeating itself.
There’s such a thing as casual friends: Some people are just going to misbehave, sometimes it’s a character flaw. Avoid getting too close to such people and keep them as acquaintances. You really don’t need that drama in your life.
Know when to walk away: We validate behaviour that we keep indulging. So when people think you’re okay with something, they do it again. Walk away from anyone who will not treat you with respect.
Put yourself first: In other to do all these, you have to understand and practice self-love. Doing that helps you to put yourself first and understand that you deserve people who truly care about you. It’s really okay to love people from afar.
Knowing that it’s okay to care about people but not be active in their lives is very important. You’d have mental peace, avoid unnecessary drama and be better for it.